Been gone awhile

I tried to start a different blog that was not associated with this one but the site I chose was not a fan of my blog apparently.  Out of the thirty days I tried to write, I was only able to post on or two times.  So I have decided to hijack this blog and start once again. 

My goal of the blog was not to impart any amazing wisdom or share cute pictures of my girls.  It was about making me a better person.  I have had a particularly rough year involving the loss of several friends (not via death or anything tragic) but devastating all the same.  Over a two week period, several friends dropped me on Facebook and then began to refuse to answer PM's, emails, texts or phone calls.  To this day, I still don't know what caused the mass abandoning.  It caused me to take a look at the person I have become and friends I have lost.  I also don't know if these former friends will ever understand the heartache that was caused by their loss.  I entered a depression that lasted several weeks and might have gone on longer if not for an impromptu trip to NY and a few good friends who stepped in to take care of me, call me and check in on me.  One in particular has shown herself to be a kindred spirit (throwback from my Anne of Green Gables days) and I am incredibly thankful to God for putting her in my path.

My goal over the coming year is to focus on the good in life and be that person I used to be again.  As a kid and growing up, I was described as a person who always looked for the good in someone.  As cliché and cheesy as it might sound Pollyanna and the aforementioned Anne were my heroes. I am in awe of the "Glad Game" (Google Pollyanna and the Glad Game if you haven't heard of it).  I still have both books on my Kindle app and return to them when the world has gotten me down in the dumps.  Lately, however, I have found myself cranky, short tempered and not willing to forgive.  While I can adjust the cranky and short tempered part if I make a conscience effort to do so.  I have truly struggled with the forgiving part lately.  Of these three traits, the inability to forgive is the one that is going to hurt me the most.  This is the one that I struggle with often.  As I look over old pictures or remember things we were supposed to do, that part of my heart that hasn't yet forgiven takes over and my whole day is ruined.  When I pick up the phone to text or call that one friend who had become my go to for all things good or bad in the world and halfway through the text remember that she is not that person for me anymore and probably would be annoyed by my text, my heart hurts again. 

Then today, a friend posted an article about a woman's experience in a Starbucks drive through line. (Linked below). 

http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/she-yelled-and-called-me-names/


This article reminded me of the person I used to be and the person I want to be again.  Maybe the problem was with me even if I didn't know it.  Maybe, in not being the person I used to be and want to be again, I didn't show these friends the friend I could and should be.  So instead of feeling anger and frustration along with that sadness towards them, I am going to look at me and find ways to improve myself.  I am not doing this in the hopes of gaining them back. I think that ship has probably sailed on both sides.  But if I can bring myself to forgive them and return to the person I used to be because of this, then I will thank them for the life lesson and wish them nothing but the best. 

My goal for this week is to live by the old adage - "If you don't have anything nice to say, then it is best to say nothing at all."  If anyone reads this, as my friend or just a follower, I ask you to help me in this.  If you notice me not following my goal for the week, gently remind me of Pollyanna or Anne and how they would approach the situation.